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The Beach Is Back

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Author	Thread Statistics \| Show CCP posts - 1 post(s)
captain foivos	Posted - 2010.09.13 01:20:00 - [1] Edited by: captain foivos on 13/09/2010 01:32:39 As many of you regulars in the C and P section probably remember, in late July a then-obscure capsuleer known as Beachura posted some random thread on the forum accusing Lana Torrin of scamming somebody or other and stating that I was investigating. At least I think that's what it said; it seemed to have been written by an inebriated simian miscreant. Regardless, I took umbrage at this brazen attack on Lana Torrin and my e-honour, and promptly posted a 100M bounty on Beachura's head, held in escrow by the most famous lottery scammer of all time, Chribba. Unfortunately, RL got in the way and I had to end the bounty contest on August 15th as I was no longer able to access a computer to verify any claims of pwnage. In between the time I offered the bounty and the time it was rescinded, the target posted on the forums to the point where one could automatically use one of the following phrases to describe the message: Exhibit A Exhibit B Exhibit C But I digress. I came back a few days ago, and discovered that I was not the only one returning. Beachura once again graces our forums with terrible harrrbaglaarbble. This is something I cannot abide. Therefore... 100M ISK will be paid to whoever kills her ship and pods her and gets one of the bodies to me. This ISK will be held by Chribba, who I will have post here for proof. An API key will be necessary to provide the middleman and me in order to claim the ISK. Beachura's real ISK loss must exceed 60M (insurance not included as damage, and the price of items will be calculated off Jita), so whoever does it will probably have to kill her multiple times, or nail her in a faction-fit mission ship. Anyone suspected of cheating/being an alt will not be paid. All fellow corp/alliance members of hers are excluded from this. All kills must take place after this post. This contest is open until I see fit. In summary: --Beachura sustains more than 60M actual ISK loss from her lost ships (loss determined by Jita pricing) --She must be podded at least once --I get one of her bodies --ISK will be secured MY E-HONOUR WILL BE AVENGED. In addition, there is the possibility for another 25M ISK in bonuses! Yes, that's right, a huge stinkin' isk bonus! Should Beachura be wonderful enough to share some of her feelings with you as you kill her, and you forward evidence of said feelings (i.e. chatlogs) to me, you can claim an additional 25,000,000 ISK. What are you waiting for? Get out there and kill that Beach! P.S.: I take corpse deliveries in Jita only. Edit: broken link RAAAAGE Will pay cash monies for the confirmed destruction of Beachura and/or her property.
captain foivos	Posted - 2010.09.13 02:19:00 - [2] Originally by: Beachura Edited by: Beachura on 13/09/2010 02:17:24 Also, a condition, Lana offers me a place in Military Skool if I don't get killed I see what you did there Lana Will pay cash monies for the confirmed destruction of Beachura and/or her property.
captain foivos	Posted - 2010.09.13 05:36:00 - [3] I haven't yet decided between Soilet Green and Quafe. Will pay cash monies for the confirmed destruction of Beachura and/or her property.
captain foivos	Posted - 2010.09.13 17:04:00 - [4] As you could easily see if you searched, Chribba did hold the ISK the last time I offered a bounty. As it is, it's only been a day, and I just heard back from him and sent him the ISK, so you should see confirmation pretty soon. Will pay cash monies for the confirmed destruction of Beachura and/or her property.
captain foivos	Posted - 2010.09.13 18:04:00 - [5] So who is this mysterious HMSBlueprint? I love it when people unwittingly reveal things they'd rather not when they post screenshots. Will pay cash monies for the confirmed destruction of Beachura and/or her property.
captain foivos	Posted - 2010.09.13 18:11:00 - [6] Originally by: HMSBlueprint Edited by: HMSBlueprint on 13/09/2010 18:09:29 Oh, My industry alt We got that part. Will pay cash monies for the confirmed destruction of Beachura and/or her property.
captain foivos	Posted - 2010.09.13 18:25:00 - [7] Coulda sworn it was just yesterday you were convo'ing me threatening me with further petitions and boasting of your current ones about personal insults and the like and how this entire thread was bogus. It's 'kay. Will pay cash monies for the confirmed destruction of Beachura and/or her property.
captain foivos	Posted - 2010.09.13 23:56:00 - [8] Originally by: Xenuria I doubt your corp has the isk to afford my membership. T1 Exotic Dancers go for like 24,000 ISK in Jita. Don't flatter yourself. Also, get off my thread...while I do appreciate the bumps, there is an inverse relationship between a thread's quality and the number of times you post in it. Or you could try posting something worthwhile and on topic, but I haven't seen that happen before and I don't think it's going to start now... Will pay cash monies for the confirmed destruction of Beachura and/or her property.
captain foivos	Posted - 2010.09.14 02:45:00 - [9] Originally by: Xenuria practice what you peach. It'sa me! Will pay cash monies for the confirmed destruction of Beachura and/or her property.
captain foivos	Posted - 2010.09.14 04:49:00 - [10] Given the fine quality of my verbal skills, I should probably start charging people their first-born child just for the pleasure of reading my posts. TL;DR wharrgarbl. Will pay cash monies for the confirmed destruction of Beachura and/or her property.

captain foivos	Posted - 2010.09.15 00:37:00 - [11] The hold was full of...entrapment arrays LOOK OUT IT'S A MEME Will pay cash monies for the confirmed destruction of Beachura and/or her property.
captain foivos	Posted - 2010.09.15 14:56:00 - [12] Originally by: Razzor Death You had to edit that ? What would you expect? Will pay cash monies for the confirmed destruction of Beachura and/or her property.
captain foivos	Posted - 2010.09.15 15:05:00 - [13] I've heard some pretty stupid things from you before but suggesting that Razzor Death and I are alts.... Will pay cash monies for the confirmed destruction of Beachura and/or her property.
captain foivos	Posted - 2010.09.15 15:08:00 - [14] Originally by: Runchar Edited by: Runchar on 15/09/2010 15:07:19 Apart from lana, your all pathetic and pretty mad tbh edit: i am a beachura alt, umadagain? This speaks for itself. Will pay cash monies for the confirmed destruction of Beachura and/or her property.
captain foivos	Posted - 2010.09.15 15:16:00 - [15] We used to have an insane Canadian who was high on a pharmaceutical variant of morphine 24/7 because of intense leg pain from a childhood accident in my corporation. He used to say things like you do. Will pay cash monies for the confirmed destruction of Beachura and/or her property.
captain foivos	Posted - 2010.09.15 15:54:00 - [16] Originally by: Beachura Yup, and half-wits like you are the exact reason america is the most hated nation in the world lolwut Will pay cash monies for the confirmed destruction of Beachura and/or her property.
captain foivos	Posted - 2010.09.16 02:27:00 - [17] So what's the status of things looking like now? Any pew-pew? Any damage done towards Beachura yet?
captain foivos	Posted - 2010.09.16 19:17:00 - [18] Any exciting action happen yet? After reading Xenuria's comments about the wardec and combat in general I'm waiting expectantly for some lulzWTFBBQpwnage. Originally by: CCP Navigator This thread is so bad that even locking it does not do it justice.
captain foivos	Posted - 2010.09.17 17:13:00 - [19] I'm confused now: who died in what? Originally by: CCP Navigator This thread is so bad that even locking it does not do it justice.
captain foivos	Posted - 2010.09.18 03:52:00 - [20] PEW PEW PEW Originally by: CCP Navigator This thread is so bad that even locking it does not do it justice.

captain foivos	Posted - 2010.09.20 06:07:00 - [21] Hmmm, where'd Beachura go? The whole Skool conflict seems to have died down. I was hoping for the sake of non-boredom that it would continue. CCP's opinion of theft in EVE: Originally by: CCP Shadow Did you get their waffles too?
captain foivos	Posted - 2010.09.20 06:39:00 - [22] I feel like we should both edit these posts into oblivion and pretend like I didn't ask that question now that I know the answer. CCP's opinion of theft in EVE: Originally by: CCP Shadow Did you get their waffles too?
captain foivos	Posted - 2010.09.27 22:05:00 - [23] Silly you, that's captain fovios. Sure, we may have very similar names, and very similar pictures, but we are in fact very, very, very different people. Still, kudoes for bringing that up. It always makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside when I see that. -- CCP recently changed SiSi to allow PLEXes to buy neural remaps. Simultaneously, they also released their plans on how to best lose as many subscribers as possible.
captain foivos	Posted - 2010.09.28 02:35:00 - [24] Ehhhhh I'm gonna sit on that one for a day; don't post the tears yet. Gotta think of how I'd handle that, I don't feel like giving Chribba any more delicious (and hefty) fees. -- CCP recently changed SiSi to allow PLEXes to buy neural remaps. Simultaneously, they also released their plans on how to best lose as many subscribers as possible.
captain foivos	Posted - 2010.09.28 04:51:00 - [25] Then I think I'd be able to work out a reward (separate from the contest, but you have my word of e-honoUr) for your troubles. -- CCP recently changed SiSi to allow PLEXes to buy neural remaps. Simultaneously, they also released their plans on how to best lose as many subscribers as possible.
captain foivos	Posted - 2010.10.28 03:40:00 - [26] Seems a darn shame, but I'm gonna have to close this contest down before the thread gets locked from inactivity. In the meantime, herp a derp Beachura durf.

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